Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
