I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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