never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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