Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
