every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
