I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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