It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
