I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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