whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize