Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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