why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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