I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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