The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
