Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
