I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
