Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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