I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
