; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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