Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
