it wasn't lemon gatorade
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
