can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
