Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
