the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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