I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
