I wish I could punch you in the face.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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