Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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