??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i will never coherently bang her
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
