5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
