I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
