I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
