Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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