Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
