So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
