the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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