You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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