sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
