textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Hippo gnu deer
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
