the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
