I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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