She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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