Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
