Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
