Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
