My brain says no but my pants say off.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
