Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
