I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
