After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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