sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
