Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
