"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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