Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
