So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
