I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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