Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
