how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
