I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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