O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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